Author: Aleks

A French sculptor Auguste Rodin (1840-1917) was one of those exceptionally talented people who were able to capture a moment when human inner instincts and desires express themselves through the body in motion. The human body, especially the female body, eros, dance, freedom, and passion inspired Rodin to create some of his most important sculptures.

Two months ago, I visited the Rodin Museum in Philadelphia, PA. The museum holds the most extensive collection of Rodin’s works outside of Paris, France. Although I enjoyed the whole collection, I was particularly struck by six sculptures. All of them are great examples of the artist’s ability to capture the uninhibited bodily movements. They are all sexual, expressive, and so human.

Eternal Springtime (1884)
Rodin’s muse and lover Camille Claudel was his inspiration for this work.
It depicts excitement, embracing, and happiness of two lovers.

 

I Am Beautiful (1885)
“It seems as though the soul of the woman, in haste to meet her lover, had shot through the air like a thought, to find rest in his arms.” (Truman Bartlett, American sculptor). Joy and passion that Rodin felt about his intense affair partner Camille Claudel inspired him to create this sculpture.

 

Damned Women (1885)
This sculpture represents lesbian lovers who are engaging in passionate lovemaking. Physical pleasure is there. It was one of Rodin’s most shocking erotic work.

 

The Cathedral (1908)
This sculpture represents erotic moments of two lovers. There is something mysterious between these two hands while they are anticipating touch.

 

The Secret (1910)
These two right hands belong to two people, something unknown separates them, but there is still a secret, sensual connection: they are touching at the tips.

 

The Kiss ( 1929, copy)
This sculpture depicts the artist’s most famous embracing couple. It captures a passionate moment when their lips meet. Due to its nudity and eroticism, this sculpture was controversial at the time and considered inappropriate for the general public.

 

“Art is actually nothing more than a manifestation of lust, which only arises from the potency to love.”- Auguste Rodin

 

Absent sexual desire and low libido, both in men and women, is a common sexual issue that I encounter in my practice. There are many possible reasons that can diminish sexual desire. Very often, low libido is rather the result of multiple interconnected factors than a single cause.

What causes low libido?

If you have ever wondered why your sexual desire changes, here are some common reasons for that.

Frequent biological or physical causes of low libido include menopause, low testosterone, hypothyroidism, type 2 diabetes, cancer, and high blood pressure. Also, the side effects of medications (narcotics, SSRI antidepressants, chemotherapy drugs, oral contraceptives), poor sleep, alcohol and drug use have negative impacts on sexual desire. Women suffering from vaginismus (or any other sexual pain issue) and men with erectile dysfunction may lose interest in sex.

Some of the psychological factors that might be relevant to the loss of sexual desire are poor body image, fatigue, stress, depression, and attention-deficit disorder. People who experience guilt and shame or have a history of sexual trauma report absent or low libido.

Relational barriers to sexual desire can be power struggles, poor communication, alienation, criticism, secrets (e.g., sexual orientation, fetish), anger, resentments, boredom or lack of sexual diversity. Pregnancy, fear of intimacy, and becoming a parent frequently impact couples’ interest to be sexual. Also, couples who are trying to conceive report having a hard time with maintaining sexual desire.

Socio-cultural components that can directly affect sexual desire are related to lack of education and often negative attitude that some cultural or religious groups can hold towards sexual orientation, gender expression, sexual pleasure, premarital sex, etc.

How to treat low libido and lack of desire?

Libido issues tend to be complex and challenging to treat. Comprehensive and effective approach may include medical intervention (if there are biological factors) and combining couples counseling and sex therapy. Addressing low libido, mindfulness practice, learning to reduce/ eliminate sexual turnoffs, and to increase sexual turnons can restore sexual desire and lead towards achieving a more pleasurable and satisfying sex life.

Are they your lover, your abettor, your soulmate, or your rescuer? Do they boost your confidence? Are you part of their illusions because you trust them too much? This article (click here https://bit.ly/2OdrJuy) is about narcissists and their ‘perfect’ codependent partners.

Peyronie’s disease (PD) is a disorder in which scar tissue develops inside the penis. Symptoms of PD include hardened scar tissue (plagues) in the penis, penile pain during erections, and curvature (deformity).

When plaques develop, a penis loses its natural flexibility, and the curve takes place. Additionally, most of the time Peyronie’s disease leads to loss of penis length. This medical condition is often associated with erectile dysfunction.

The most common way that men get Peyronie’s disease is through trauma or some repeated injury that hasn’t healed properly. This condition could develop during intercourse, masturbation, or physical activity.

It is common for many men to have a slightly curved penis when it is erect, but the bend is considered significant and problematic if it is anything over a 30-degree angle.

Available medical treatment options are oral medications, traction therapy, vacuum therapy, massage, modeling, and stretching therapy. It is important to treat not just the physical side of the Peyronie’s disease, which is the penile curvature but also to manage the psychological aspect.

I find that men with Peyronie’s disease can experience many lasting emotional and psychological issues. Some of them are depression, relationship problems, fear, grief, anger, anxiety, isolation, low self-esteem, poor body image, and shame. Additionally, difficulty having sex, loss of sexual confidence, lack of sexual interest, performance anxiety, inability to initiate sex, avoiding masturbation, and lack of support from his partner can interfere with both personal and relational aspects.

If you, guys, can relate to anything previously mentioned, consider seeking help: talking to a urologist and a psychotherapist who specializes in sexual dysfunctions is a good start. Reducing anxiety, developing coping skills for emotional issues, changing cognition, enhancing communication skills, learning new ways to be intimate are just some of the psychological strategies that can improve your sexual health.

People show diversity in erotic fantasies. Some of the most common sexual fantasies are ménage à trois, sex with a hot stranger, being submissive (tied up, spanked, etc.), having sex in public, dressing up and playing different roles, sex with past lovers, group sex, being watched while having sex and watching others.

Almost all people have fantasies about sex. Research suggests that sexual fantasies are normal and quite common. They can be part of daydreams or erotic dreams. Sexual fantasies allow people to explore and challenge their sexuality in their imaginations. Studies suggest that mental excursions, such as fantasies, during intercourse can increase sexual arousal as well as response. Fantasies also help couples coming out of their sexual shells and may provide sexual novelty and different sexual dynamic.

Some erotic fantasies are kept just for solo pleasure, and others are shared with a partner or partners. Some people never act on their imaginations and others do so. Some people feel guilt or disgust about their confusing fantasies especially those that are socially, religiously, or morally unacceptable.

Exploring and acting out sexual fantasies can be a rewarding and positive experience as long as it is consensual, mutual, and enjoyable for both partners. Sharing sexual desires can create a sense of sexual anticipation and improve an intimate connection.

How do you stimulate your mind? How free are you to express your sexual fantasies without feeling judged by your partner? How open is your partner to discuss what turns him/her on sexually?

Le couple by Jacques Lipchitz

‘Friends With Benefits’ (FWB) is becoming more popular than traditional relationship because it doesn’t include negotiation and commitment and for some, it is more natural and casual. For others, it is an easy way to escape from real life and to avoid the vulnerability of traditional relationships.

For some of my clients, this kind of arrangement works perfectly, but for others, it does get complicated.  Can friends with benefits idea be mutually satisfying?  How tricky can be the idea: just sex-no emotions-no relationships? Is it a temporary fix and what happens when deep feelings develop? Is this type of a non-traditional relationship for everyone?

If you are asking yourself these questions, please read the following article: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201502/what-it-really-means-be-friends-benefits

It can be challenging to try to answer a question: why even happy people cheat? I work with same-sex and opposite-sex couples, and infidelity is a very prevalent issue that I see in my practice. I also know the pain, and the damage affairs can do to people. Infidelity is a value-laden, multi-dimensional, and more complicated act than people can even think. I do not advocate for cheating; I am just aware of the variety of human behaviors.

Yes, unhappy people cheat on their partners due to boredom, sexlessness, loneliness, revenge, lack of communication, substance use, etc. And yes, people in loving relationships cheat as well.

So, why HAPPY PEOPLE CHEAT? What are their real motives? What is the meaning of the affair? Are these people looking for another or different version of themselves? Is it a sign of a crisis of identity? A rejection of the restricted self or an attempt to reconnect with self and feel alive again?

Find out here on what Esther Perel, a couples therapist and the author of Mating in Captivity and The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity, says about unfaithfulness, one of the most controversial social issues.

Why do people ghost? How ghosting affects the ghosts and their victims? Why it leaves mental bruises? Do we question ourselves? Why is empathy so important?
Some of my clients, who experienced ghosting, found these two articles very helpful in understanding and dealing with this cultural phenomenon, so I decided to share them with you:

• https://bit.ly/2gL2PkO
• https://bit.ly/2BaNxD1

I have recently read Travis Bradberry’s article 18 Behaviors of Emotionally Intelligent People (click here https://bit.ly/2i0R5Ag). According to the author, here are some of the characteristics that highly emotionally intelligent persons have:

• They have an extensive emotional vocabulary,
• They are assertive and know how to say ‘no,’
• They let go of grudges (forgive but do not forget),
• They are curious (and empathetic!) about other people,
• They are flexible and embrace change,
• They know their strengths and weaknesses,
• They are open-minded and self-confident,
• They give without expecting anything in return,
• They neutralize toxic people,
• They do not seek to achieve a perfect standard,
• They regularly take time off,
• They stop and challenge negative self-talk.

Why is enjoyable sex life among nursing home residents still so taboo? Does our society expect elders to have sexual desire, to have the need to be held and touched, to feel loved, or to experience comfort and joy by being sexually active? How residents in nursing homes maintain a healthy and enjoyable sex life as they grow older?

This Psychology Today article about sex among nursing home residents and slowly changing society’s view from “don’t” to “do not disturb” is worth reading:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201709/the-new-erotic-frontier-sex-in-nursing-homes