The excessive need for control is one of the personality traits that maintain anxiety. It is a constant need to control behaviors of others (i.e., overprotective parenting, micromanagement, etc.), fear of the ambiguous and unpredictable, having “I know the best way” attitude, an always anticipating problems approach, and maintaining rigid routines and schedules. People with control issue are trying to focus mostly on externals while ignoring the real problem, which is usually inside themselves. It may be exhausting and overwhelming and may negatively affect health, relationships, career, etc. So, a good question would be how to manage control issues successfully?
Control issue may have its origins in a traumatic life experience that develops fears, powerlessness, and vulnerability. To cope, trauma survivors become hypervigilant and tend to regain control of their lives in unhealthy ways. Control issue may also be related to damaged/low self-esteem, lack of trust, and perfectionism.
Here are some simple and helpful strategies for managing the excessive need for control that will significantly improve the quality of your life:
- Improve patience and allow yourself to tolerate ambiguity and unpredictability of life. To distance yourself emotionally from the situation, practice deep breathing.
- Develop trust by starting to believe that the problem will work itself out. In case you cannot find a solution, change your perspective on that problem which will help you cope better with it.
- Practice acceptance and “go with the flow” by challenging and disputing your irrational thoughts and replacing them with rational and more accurate thinking. Letting go of unrealistic expectations and practicing relaxation can be very helpful.
- Enhance your sense of humor to defuse tension and to disarm difficult behaviors. Humor will help you to step back and get a different perspective on life’s problems which may lead to changing your response to them.
- Be open to alternative ways of doing things because there is always something new that you can learn.
- And don’t forget: As with everything else, learning how to manage control issues successfully takes practice!
